Always Loved
by AlmostInsanity
Summary: There is more to young Constance Contraire than what meets the eye. Sure, she may seem stubborn and often upset, but perhaps what lies beneath that is finally trying to break through.


Always Loved_  
A Constance Contraire FanFic_  
by Mezzanote

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places, or songs mentioned, unfortunately. The only things that are mine are the words. Credit for the lovely Constance, Reynie, and all other peeps goes to Trenton Lee Stewart. The dust bunny inspiration gets some credit too- Thank you Thalia Castellan and your story "Dust Bunnies and Paper Scraps."**

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It had been a normal day in Mr. Benedict's home, and now it was coming to a quiet end. I, Constance Contraire, the youngest and most stubborn member of the Mysterious Benedict society, made my nightly rounds, visiting first Mr. Benedict himself to bid him goodnight, and then Rhonda and Number Two, both of them denying my request for a bedtime sweet. Before returning to my own room though, I wandered around the large house, feeling only slightly scared as I passed through the darkened rooms. It was late and I knew I should be asleep, but I wasn't anticipating the unhappy feeling of loneliness that visited my slumber. Every night was accompanied by those stupid thoughts, making me think no one wanted me. _Of course_ I was wanted. I had Mr. Benedict, who, though his boring lessons were tedious and tiring, I knew I loved; I had Rhonda and Pencilla, who, even when they wouldn't let me eat my candy and I threw a fit, would gently remind me that too many treats were a bad thing, which I knew was true, despite the fact that I would never in this lifetime admit it; I had Kate, my fearless protector and only sometimes-annoying friend; I had George Washington, the paranoid boy that took my rude jokes and insults without complaint, not knowing how much I admired his brilliance; and then I had Reynie, the one person (aside from maybe Mr. Benedict) that sometimes actually understood me. I knew these people, these ever-important people, loved me as much as I loved them, and though I had much trouble expressing it, if they were to disappear I was unsure how I would be able to deal with it.

Even knowing this, though, I still felt the haunting ideas creeping up on me from the edges of my mind. I whimpered quietly, trying to push them away. Suddenly the cozy dining room in which I stood, with its grand table and chairs that always seemed to be growing, seemed to grow darker with every blink of the eye. I let out another small cry, and fled from the room and down the hall, my bare feet padding down onto the hardwood floors quite noisily. I hesitated for a moment in front of Mr. Benedict's closed study door, from under which a small stream of light poured. I began to reach up to knock, until I heard the gentle snores and heavy breathing that meant he had fallen asleep for whatever reason. I stood up on my tiptoes and grabbed the brass doorknob, turning it as quietly as possible. Poking my head in showed that the green plaid-clad man had indeed fallen asleep, and, not wanting to wake him, I shut the door again and continued down the hall and up the narrow staircase. Pushing open my bedroom door, I saw once again the disheveled state that my room was in and my heart sank even more. Number Two had once told me, in an unsuccessful attempt to get me to clean my room, that it was a proved fact- the state of the area around you will often affect your mood. I suppose she was right, and I got the idea to maybe tidy up my room a bit. I figured it was worth a try, and, besides, cleaning up would be a good way to avoid crawling into bed. I began picking up the clothes and toys and bits of food thrown haphazardly around the room, deciding what was clean and what was not, what was trash and what was still edible (this turned out to be an interesting project), and fiddling around with old games and books and things.

At one time I came across a book that Rhonda had bought me for storing pictures and letters that the Mysterious Benedict Society had shared. I had only put two pictures and a few notes in it before losing it in a pile of socks and hats that it had been hiding in. The first picture showed Kate giving Sticky a piggyback ride, Kate looking as if she were laughing hysterically and Sticky looking as if he were going to puke. I remembered the day I took it. "Come on Sticky!" Kate had said. "It'll be fun!" Of course, Sticky found this to be an extremely inaccurate description of what a piggyback ride from The Great Kate Weather Machine would be like.

I faintly recalled another time when Kate had spoken those exact words. It was the day we had all met for the first time, the day we had taken Mr. Benedict's special tests, and the day that started this whole insane business. The memories of that time were both happy and frightening. I smiled to myself, thinking of everything I had been through with my friends. I cringed at the memory of Ledroptha Curtain and his horrible Whisperer, and quickly pushed the thought away. I returned my gaze to the book. The second picture was of Reynie, Sticky and I, with only half of Kate's face poking in from the left side. I remembered her trying to get a decent photo of all of us, snatching up the camera and holding it out before us, snapping the picture before we could realize what was happening. Reynie was laughing at a poem I had just composed concerning the brightness of a camera flash and why it was unnecessary, while Sticky had his mouth open as if he had planned to list the reasons why camera flashes were, in fact, necessary, Kate was making a sort of silly face, or half of one, at least, and I was grinning at Reynie, pleased that he had found my poems entertaining for once. All in all, it was a good picture. Definitely one of my favorites. Underneath it, I had written in scrawly, messy letters "THE MYSTERIOUS BENEDICT SOCIETY" and Kate had drawn a waving flag-like ribbon around it, making it appear as if someone had posted our name on a large banner and let it flap around in the wind.

The rest of the book was blank, aside from a letter from Reynie. It was the first he had sent me after our separation. Reading it again made me feel very nostalgic. Tears brimmed in my eyes, and I felt the sudden urge to wail. I missed my friends. I missed solving puzzles and clues, I missed adventures, I missed doing dangerous things, I missed being smart and special, I missed that stupid Morse Code that Sticky had taught us, I missed being part of the Mysterious Benedict Society. I missed everything that used to be. I wanted, very badly, for something exciting to happen, so we could come together again. I wanted to be what we were in the picture before me. More than anything, though, I wanted to talk to someone about everything that I missed and wanted and needed. A glance at the clock told me that it was after midnight already. I didn't care. I gently put the book down, rose from my seated position on the floor, and scurried over to the telephone. Picking it up, it felt heavy and awkward in my small hands. I glanced at a scrap of paper nearby with the number scrawled on it in heavy black marker and made a note to try and memorize it sometime. I slowly pressed the numbers and tried to suppress my soft sobs as the phone rang once, twice, a third time. It continued to ring, and I almost hung up, thinking no one would answer. Just as I was about to set the phone back, a groggy voice answered.

"Hello? Who is this?"

I sucked in a deep breath. "Miss Perumal, I need to speak with Reynie right away," I said quietly, then, realizing I must have woken her, mumbled a sort of apology.

Miss Perumal was still a bit confused. I assumed the attempt at being polite had thrown her off. "Constance? Is that you? You do know it's nearly one o'clock in the morning, right? What's happened?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just... I really would like to speak with Reynie now. Please. It's important."

I heard a gentle sigh, and then a soft rustling. Footsteps. I faintly heard Miss Perumal's voice. "_Reynard, wake up. There's someone who wishes to talk to you."_

"Eurggh...what?" Reynie mumbled into the receiver, still half asleep.

I stifled a sigh of relief, and then a short sob. "Reynie. Please, could... could you come over for a minute?"

I could tell that he was surprised by my tone of voice. Or perhaps it was the fact I had said please without being sarcastic. "Constance. What are you _doing_? It's late. What's wrong?"

I whimpered, placing my hand over the receiver so he wouldn't hear. It was to no avail, though, as he only questioned me further. I steadied myself and spoke in a voice just barely above a whisper. "Look, I miss you. I miss all of you. And... and... I can't... I'm... I'm just so _alone_..." I couldn't back my tears now, and I spoke between heaving sobs. My lower lip trembled.

There was silence from Reynie's end for a long moment, before he finally said "Hang on, Constance. I'll be there in a few minutes." I thanked him and reluctantly put the phone down. Sweeping the rest of the stray items off of my bed and into a cardboard box, I picked up the memory book off of the floor and clutched it to my chest. Before venturing out into the dark hallway again, I snatched a flashlight off of my bedside table, flipping it on. The beam of light cast more frightening shadows than there had been before, but I ignored them as I walked silently downstairs again and into the front room to wait.

Several minutes later, I saw a very wet Reynie trudging through the front courtyard and up the front steps. It hadn't even occurred to me that the skies were overcast and a steady rain was pouring down. I suddenly felt even worse than I had before for making him go out in such weather. My whole face twisted up in a mush of pain and sadness. I opened the front door as he entered and quickly shut it behind him. He was shivering in his pajamas and light jacket. His hair was partially plastered to his face and partially sticking out in every which way. Under other circumstances, I might have laughed at his appearance. However, we were not in fact under other circumstances, so I continued to cry silently and pathetically. The first thing Reynie did was wrap his arms around me in a comforting and drippy hug. Neither of us spoke as we made my way back to my room. I stopped in front of the linens closet and pulled out a large towel for Reynie on the way, which he took gratefully. He followed me into my now-almost-clean bedroom and gasped as I shut the door behind us.

"Constance... you... did you... clean?..." He was hardly able to form a full sentence.

I nodded feebly, climbing up onto my bed and sitting on the end, my pudgy feet hanging off of the edge. Reynie came and sat next to me. His feet touched the ground. I sighed.

He continued to stare around the room in amazement as he spoke. "So, what's all this about?"

I sniffed. "I'm sorry for bringing you out here. Really. I am."

"It's okay, I don't mind. Go on."

"Well, ever since we all went off our own ways- ever since Sticky went home with his parents and you got Miss Perumal and her mother and Kate and Milligan went off to their farm and everything- I've just felt really... lonely. I know we all still talk through our letters and all, but it isn't the same. I miss being together, you know, as the Mysterious Benedict Society. I want things to be how they were before. I want everything to be how it should be, and the way things are is _not!_" I said, wiping away stray tears. I shut my eyes and flopped back onto the bed dramatically. "I do this every night. Panic, that is. I go crazy over this kind of thing, I think about how wrong it all is, I wish for things to get better. And they never do."

Reynie listened quietly, contemplating everything I said. When I was finished, he spoke rather carefully. "I agree. I don't like how things are either. But what can we do to change that? I'd rather have a safe and separate life than a dangerous one involving Mr. Curtain where we're all together. Sure, we have our fun times when we're adventuring, and we've made it out alive every time, but honestly Constance, this is all for the better."

"It sure doesn't seem like it," I grumbled.

"I know," he said. "But sometimes... sometimes you just have to take what's given to you and make it work."

I felt my face go red again and I felt another wave of tears coming on, though I tried my best to keep them at bay. "I guess so," I said quietly, opening my eyes again. "There's another thing I wanted to talk to you about though, Reynie." I sat up again, crossing my legs.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Um..." I avoided his gaze. I didn't want him to see me crying again. "Do y-you... think that I'm a bad person?"

Reynie looked startled. "What? Of course not, Constance. What a strange thing to say."

"Then why am I always so mean? Why do I say rude things to people that I like? Why am I such a pig? Why can't I ever be helpful? What makes me so stubborn? Will I ever be nice? Why do I act the way I do?" I exploded, trying to keep my voice quiet, which proved to be a difficult thing to do.

I could see that Reynie was struggling to find the right answers. "I... you... um..." He hesitated. "Why would you believe that you're any of those things?"

"I am, aren't I?" I calmed down a bit, and took a deep breath. "I'm not wanted. I'm pitied."

Reynie turned to face me. Brown eyes met blue. He wore an expression of pure seriousness. "Constance. I don't know what makes you think that's true _at all_. I swear, if you ever say anything like that again I'm going to have to go into a long, boring speech on why you've gone positively insane." He smiled teasingly.

I returned the smile, though mine was much less enthusiastic. "This is what I meant when I said I feel lonely," my voice trailed off. "You know, you might be the only person who will ever understand." I choked on my words and began to cry again, wiping away the tears on the sleeve of my nightgown.

Reynie nodded and hugged me again, and we stayed that way for a long while, as I sat there sobbing in his arms. "You need to sleep," he said after a while, gesturing towards the clock. "It's nearly three a.m."

I started, then looked up. He was right. "I kept you up over two hours," I said, appalled.

"Its alright, like I said- I don't mind. I was having nightmares when you called, so, thank you."

I wanted to ask what his nightmares were about, but a yawn escaped my lips when I opened them to speak. He was right- I did need sleep. I didn't _want_ sleep though, because I knew that I would still experience the horrible dreams, the taunting voices, everything.

Reynie stood and made for the door as if he were about to leave, but I jumped up and darted after him, grabbing his elbow as he reached for the doorknob. "Wait!...How will you get home?"

"Miss Perumal gave me money for the subway." he replied, turning around again.

I scrabbled to find another excuse to hold him up, but none seemed reasonable enough."Euh... are you sure you don't want to stay here for tonight? I mean, it's so late and everything, and Mr. Benedict wouldn't mind..."

Reynie suppressed a smile. "Are you sure you aren't _trying_ to get me to stay here for tonight?"

I sighed. Why did he have to be so good at that? "Please don't go," I murmured, staring at the ground. "I have such terrifying thoughts at night, and I know you told me that its all okay, but I- I just hate being alone, and... and..." I felt on the verge of tears again.

"Alright, fine, I'll stay. Calm down."

I said nothing, but thanked him silently with my still-watery eyes. I grabbed a pillow and a thin blanket, then spread them on the floor and curled up amongst them. He flicked the light off and crossed the room, staring at me with one eyebrow raised. "What a_re_ you doing?"

"What do you mean? The guest takes the bed." I said, though my voice was muffled by the sheets so it came out more like "Mreh grest makes rhhe red." He seemed to understand me though. It felt strange, trying to be nice, but good at the same time. I felt my mood lift slightly.

"No way. I'll sleep on the floor, you sleep in the bed. It's only fair." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I sat up. "You know, I'm too tired to argue. Can't we both just sleep on the floor? It'll be like... like a camp out."

Reynie sighed, shrugged, and began dragging pillows and bedclothes onto the ground. Once we had both set up a makeshift bed on the hard wooden floor several feet apart, the two of us quietly settled in and bid each other goodnight.

"Oh, one more thing, Reynie."

"What?"

"Thank you." I said this with such sincerity that it left Reynie slightly at a loss for words, though 'your welcome' would have done just fine. "I know I've said that a lot tonight, but this time, really. I mean it."

He just nodded, then smiled. "Now sleep."

Soon, we had both drifted off into a quiet slumber. I felt safer, knowing he was there. And, for the first time in many months, I did not have nightmares. However, it seemed that Reynie did. Several times he woke me, muttering incoherent words in his sleep, tossing and turning restlessly. His expression was one of distress. I considered waking him, but decided against it. Each time his stirrings awoke me, I would scoot over to his side and sit there, watching over him until he would calm down again. It was a bit of a tedious act, but I hardly minded. He had done me a big enough favor. I owed it to him.

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_Reynie's POV _

I knew I was dreaming, but it still seemed too real.

Before me stood the young Constance Contraire. She was waving goodbye, but she was smiling. She sang in a barely audible voice a song I had never heard before.

The words she sang seemed to be saying goodbye as well, growing fainter and fainter, though she sang them over and over again as she left, just disappearing into mist. Suddenly it began to rain, and then I was alone, and wet, wearing just my pajamas and a thin jacket. I was standing outside the Mr. Benedict's home, on the front porch, but there was no one inside to open the door for me, no one to offer me a towel, no one for me to comfort and hold. And now, when I needed her, there was no one to comfort and hold _me_.

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_Constance's POV _

I knew I was dreaming, and it was bliss.

I was happy. I was _free_. I was in a large grassy meadow, filled with flowers and dust-bunnies (which happen to be far cuter than _actual_ bunnies- its a fact), and they were all there. Sticky, Kate, Reynie, my 'adopted sisters' Rhonda and Pencilla, Mr. Benedict, and even S.Q. Pedalian, who I had always knew to be a good guy who had just taken the wrong path. In this dream, though, he had taken the _right_ path, and he was now having a pleasant conversation with Number Two on the importance of the color yellow. Mr. Benedict had just laughed himself to sleep from a joke shared between him and Kate. Sticky and Reynie were having a conversation concerning the length of the definitions used in the newest edition of the Webster's Dictionary. And I was frolicking among my dust bunny friends, feeling more pleasant than I ever had in all my life. There was the soft tinkling of music coming from somewhere, accompanied by a melodic voice singing a song that I did not recognize but enjoyed.

Listening to the words, I realized they were a subtle way of describing the current situation. I wanted a promise, a faithful oath, that we (my friends and I) would stay together forever and ever. I also realized that I now felt the love I had wished for before. I _knew_ I was wanted and loved by everyone here, and it felt _good._ Fantastic, even. It was the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced, and I never wanted it to end.

...

Unfortunately, it did. All too soon I woke up, this time from the bright sunlight that was splayed across my face instead of a noisy Reynie. The clock told me that it was a quarter after nine. I looked over to Reynie's bed to see if he was awake, but I found it empty. Atop the neatly folded sheets and pillows was a note written in tidy print. I picked up the paper and read it aloud.

_Constance,_

_ I am very sorry for leaving without saying goodbye,  
__but I thought it best that I leave early. Don't worry,  
this will not be the last time we see each other.__  
I will make all the necessary arrangements. _

_ And remember- you are always, ALWAYS loved._

_ Sincerely,  
Reynard Muldoon_

I read the note a second time, and then a third. Standing up, I took the paper over to my linen-stripped bed and picked up the memory book that sat near the headboard, I carefully slid the note into one of the clear photo sleeves and stared at the page for a long moment. Before closing the book, I reread Reynie's last sentence one more time. "_You are always, ALWAYS loved."_

And somehow, I knew he was right.

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**_A/N: Well. There it is. I had some ideas for continuing the story, but I think I'll wait and see what the reviews are for what I've got now, seeing as this is my first fic. Thank you for reading! Now, click that lil' button down below and let me know what you think.  
Oh, and by the way, the two songs mentioned in Reynie and Constance's dreams are 'The Way I Loved You' (Reynie) and 'I Promise You' (Constance) by Selena Gomez. Due to FanFiction's rules I could not post the lyrics as I had originally intended, but you can look 'em up if you like._**


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